People say that I’m antisocial. My parents would agree.
It’s true that most days I don’t go out. I don’t like spending much time around people. I like being alone, not lonely. I shut people out if they try to get too close to me. I don’t have more than a few friends, and somedays I blow them off too.
No matter how much I pretend that I don’t like making new friends or I don’t like going places, all along the truth has been that I am scared.
I am scared of getting abandoned because I have been there. I am scared of telling people my secrets because they’ll run away with them. I am scared of trusting people with my heart because they might break it.
I am scared that after a while, they’ll lose interest in me. And I will keep clinging on to them like some fungi. I don’t like the idea of being that. That’s why I stay away.
I keep my distance because I might find out about the things they like. I might find out about their favorite places and how they like their tea. And I don’t want that.
I am not scared of commitment. I am scared of people giving up on me. I am scared of people choosing someone else over me. I am scared of always being left aside.
And the thing I am most scared of, is that someday I might look into your eyes. And that would be it, then. My very end.