After a night of sound sleep, I returned to my nightmare… Insomnia.
I wake up suddenly.
My eyes strike open, inspite of no disturbances around me. Perhaps, the disturbance was inner, and not quite visible on the outer front. I check my phone to see the time. My heart pounds a little seeing that it is only 2:52am. Exactly the middle phase- neither night nor morning. I coax myself into sleeping again.
I assume I may have slept around this time. Yes, inspite of starting my attempt around 3am I still managed to sleep only by 4:30am. That was a disaster on its own.
My eyes pop open again. Much to my dismay my eyes open again. Ouch.
A long “Oh Godddd, Whyyyyy” stretched across for a minute, calling out to my helplessness over my insomnia. After clogging my hours in office on weekdays, I thought I would finally get some sound sleep. It’s weekend.. I wanted to wake up on my own with no alarms or hurry, no early morning woes. I had tried so hard, really very hard to sleep… only to wake up again like this? Ofcourse not! 😦
What a disappointment that was. After indefinite attempts I failed to bring back my lost sleep. I stared at the ceiling, it took me into a world of infinite thoughts.
The more I try to avoid some thoughts and reality, the more it comes thrusting up on me. What’s worse is that this often occurs at night.. a peaktime for thoughts. I could maybe define it as a tornado of thoughts about my career, my job, my future education, my personal relationships be it friends or family or any other… say, my life as a whole. A tornado that apparently blew me up while on the outside I lay silent. I just din’t sleep after that.
Turning sides every other minute.
Filled with anxiety and irritation equally.
Feeling so frustrated and bottled up.
Ridiculed by inability to pull myself back.
It was chaos.
It was insane. It was absolutely insane.