Atleast, I fought …

​And here I was.

Having one of the worst 40min of my life.
I had myself, with all the sensitivity and vulnerability, versus one of my biggest enemies.

I din’t even realize, and all the harsh realities that I have been eluding, came in front of me. It was all thrust up my face before I could even prepare.
Depression is not an easy chap, it’s a brutal killer.
It is more harsh than the lashes with a leather belt;
It is more scary than any monster under the bed;
It is more deceptive than any conman you will ever come across;
It poisons you, more than any witch;
It sucks the life out of you, worse than any vampire.
It is brutal. Brutal as hell, or maybe worse.

So I had this enveloping me, from all sides, all over. For the entire 40min, I was struggling. My tongue was bound, I couldn’t even utter a word while my soul was screaming till the peaks. I felt I was tearing inside, or maybe it is by far undescriptive. I was weeping. My eyes must be cursing me now for the redness, swelling, and pain which they are still enduring. You see, I was trying to escape… for obviously I had no strength to fight it. What hit with double force is that I wasn’t anticipating its arrival, that too at such a vulnerable time when I’m prone to breakdown. I was perhaps, at my weakest. And this monster took advantage. It had its victim on a weakpoint, how could it let me go? It did what it does best- broke me.

And now, when 5 hours have passed since the battle between two arch rivals, I still find myself gathering my shattered pieces and trying to make it one whole.


12 thoughts on “Atleast, I fought …

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  1. Oh no you also suffer from this disease!!! It’s crippling I know! Hope you have recovered now….it’s brutal 😦 … talk to someone… writing about it also helps ( which you already did so I hope would be feeling better now) … stay strong!


      1. Yeah, you see that’s what I’m taking about. And I said this recently to a very dear friend, how struggles in our lives all contribute to giving us those layers, that depth which many around us wouldn’t even dream of. Some things are indeed priceless. And I’m obviously speaking from the context of finding a silver lining in all of this. I’m sure you have seen your share of silver linings in any of the dark times.


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