And here I was.
Having one of the worst 40min of my life.
I had myself, with all the sensitivity and vulnerability, versus one of my biggest enemies.
I din’t even realize, and all the harsh realities that I have been eluding, came in front of me. It was all thrust up my face before I could even prepare.
Depression is not an easy chap, it’s a brutal killer.
It is more harsh than the lashes with a leather belt;
It is more scary than any monster under the bed;
It is more deceptive than any conman you will ever come across;
It poisons you, more than any witch;
It sucks the life out of you, worse than any vampire.
It is brutal. Brutal as hell, or maybe worse.
So I had this enveloping me, from all sides, all over. For the entire 40min, I was struggling. My tongue was bound, I couldn’t even utter a word while my soul was screaming till the peaks. I felt I was tearing inside, or maybe it is by far undescriptive. I was weeping. My eyes must be cursing me now for the redness, swelling, and pain which they are still enduring. You see, I was trying to escape… for obviously I had no strength to fight it. What hit with double force is that I wasn’t anticipating its arrival, that too at such a vulnerable time when I’m prone to breakdown. I was perhaps, at my weakest. And this monster took advantage. It had its victim on a weakpoint, how could it let me go? It did what it does best- broke me.
And now, when 5 hours have passed since the battle between two arch rivals, I still find myself gathering my shattered pieces and trying to make it one whole.